Heavy

I have been trying to escape from you

For years

And still you’re a strong presence

In my life

The thought of you poisons my attitude

The mere mention of your name

Makes me want to crawl in a

Corner

And no longer exist

My life has been nothing

But a revolvement of you

Of what you did

Of what you are still capable of doing

To me

I run away

Inside of myself

To get away

From  all this torture

To try and somehow find the numbness

I use to have

The coldness I used to deal with this

Experience

Is it possible that I’ve used it all up?

Now I’m stuck here

Having to deal

With all this heaviness

That I can’t keep carrying

I don’t know how I found strength

To carry this burden for so long

Or is this where I belong now?

In order to get rid of it all

In order to walk away

With the little sanity I have left?

I really don’t know anymore

I wish I didn’t care either

 

-Tootsie

Only one girl!

I’m only one person

One body

One heart

One soul

A person who is not able to reach

EVERYONE

Yet tries to impact all

Unsatisfaction

Unfulfilled needs

Hunger for solicitude

And allotment

I’m only one

Trying to do it all

But only receiving

Dissatisfaction

And as a consequence

Groans of greed

Screams of self-centeredness

I’m only one

With expectations to be everywhere at once

Simply inconceivable

Expectations to only care about one thing

To forget the others

Mayhem

Only one girl

Tortured by the lack of time

Persecuted for not meeting a standard

I’m only one girl

Labeled substandard

 

-Tootsie

Blissfully Painful

I love the way you text me just to say

I love you

The way you ignore me when you don’t

Get your way

The way your smile drives me crazy

Yet your evil eyes keep me

From sinking in deeper

Your touch melts me in your arms

And in an instance your words solidify me

I don’t know whether to be happy

Or disappointed because I can’t get

Up and leave

This love has trapped me

Ultimately

I love it all

The good and the bad

The pleasure and the pain

I don’t want to give you up

Even though I know I should

These are the times when I’m just content

Living in this blissfully painful situation

Not expecting anything

Just hoping..for your affection

 

-Tootsie

Here we are

Here we are

At the final destination

This rut, this bad place

A place where the cold lives

Where our love has dampen

Where our kisses have dissipated

I am left with these conflicting feelings

Of love and hate

Of happiness and sorrow

Of the old you and this impostor

I’m trying to hold on

To the memories

To the words once spoken

To this love that came out of nowhere

But…

I hate you so much

I just want to let this love

Slip from my

fingers

Slip right into the ground

To no longer be revived

Or remembered

Nevertheless

Something about you

Makes me latch on to you more

And yearn the hurt that is and

Always will be inevitable

 

-Tootsie

Untitled as of now.. Inspired by relationships around me.

When you came into my life

You caught me by surprise

I wasn’t searching

I wasn’t expecting to fall in love

Here I am now

Deeply invested

Unleashing all the love

I have within

Time pass

And by surprise

You completely change

Towards me

Towards my love

How am I suppose

To pretend like

Everything is okay

When you are so distant?

What am I suppose to do

With all this love?

All the love I grew for you

Did you know it would

Turn out this way?

Did you know you would

Stop loving me one day?

What am I suppose to do now?

No answer…

Through all the silence

You hear my heart break

And even though it hurts you

To pain me this way

No action is taken

Only the letting go

As you walk away

 

-Tootsie

Halfway

I know you don’t understand me

And probably never will

You will never understand

That I will always love you

Regardless of what you’ve said

You probably won’t ever be able to believe

That your deeply embedded in my heart

How can I expect you to understand

Or believe?

How can I expect you to love me the way

I need to be loved

When I don’t love you the right way?

Maybe one day

We will meet each other halfway

Halfway to love

 

-Tootsie

The way I love you

I love you, My child

I express my love for you everyday

When the rays of light slightly

Warm your face

When the breeze gently caresses your body

When the leaves on the trees sway side to side

Dancing for you

Yet you don’t notice these things

Everything I have made in this world

I have made it for you

With you in mind

You are so special to Me

My creation

You cry because you say

You are not perfect

Yet you were perfectly created

By My Hands

Look around you

And you will find Me

Seek Me

And you will know

All the ways I love you