Myself

Being myself is something I treasure
Something I never thought could be
Ripped away from me
I’ve lost a part of my soul
I have lost a part of you

I do not bother to ask the whys
It is too much pain to bear
I long for the days
When someone understood me
When it was like looking in the mirror

Yet, now I have nothing
Not even myself
When I lost you
I lost myself
Who will live with me in my imagination?
If it is not you and I?

There is nothing left now
I’m gone
You’re gone
What have we become?
Superficial emptiness
Who are now completely numb

Never

I loved you from the moment I heard your voice
From the moment you made me laugh
From the moment I knew you were different

I loved you more than what was possible
More than I loved myself
More than I loved anything

I loved you because of your soul
Not because you took care of me
Not because you cared

I loved you even though I never laid eyes on you
But it killed me not to touch you
But it killed me not to touch you

New Look

I was looking at my blog and how loud it was! So I decided to tone it down a lot. My last look was very young and I am just not at that place anymore. I hope you guys don’t mind the more simpler look, I love it.

Love, Tootsie

Club

The music dances into the air

Making its way out of the establishment

Turning and swerving around the masses

Waiting in the front door

To lure you in

The crowd waits to get passively patted down

 

Mixes of people from everywhere arrive

Yet all the same to the beat of the music

Controlled by the bass

Seduced by the words

Subdued by the repetition of it all

In or out

You’re captured by it

Tempted by its attractiveness

 

Hours and hours pass

The end is near

Music slows down

Last call is on the brink

The mass becomes more alive

As if to wake from a slumber

Jolted back into this reality

 

Music wants its revenge

Movements are no longer rhythmic

But becoming violent

Fists are formed

Foul words pollute the air 

It chokes them

 

Hectic,chaotic

They want to break free

The mass turns on each other

Bottles are thrown

Drinks have become confetti

Women are now unstable creatures

Where’s the music?

Where’s the hypnotizing music?

That once controlled the mass of people

It has unleashed this madness

Or has it only shown the 

REALITY of it all?

 

 

Just babblings :)

I have not written poetry as much for the whole year of 2013. There was a lot of change going on and growing up. 2014 is really looking up for me and I finally have some time to write some poetry down and share it with you guys! A few months ago I went with a friend to take a pottery class and left feeling so inspired to write. I vowed to write as much as possible and that is what I plan to do :) Writing has always been like therapy for me and I do need it now, haha. I hope you enjoy what is to come!

-Tootsie

Pretend

I pretend I’m okay

I pretend that my world is the same

I pretend I’m alive

I pretend to survice

I pretend not to care

I pretend that you’re there

I pretend to have no fears

I pretend to be you

I pretend to have a clue

I pretend not to miss how I loved

I wish I never budged

Maybe then I wouldn’t be sitting here

Pretending

Instead surrendering

To what use to be

 

*Today I guess it was repetition day :)…this poem is for some one special–hope you like it <3

 

I miss the way  I could lay my head on the clouds

And forget about the world

I miss the night cool breeze

That gently swayed me to sleep

I miss the sunlight that warmed my face

I miss the rain drops that caress my curves as they fell

I miss the dance of the leaves by my feet

I miss the smell of freshly cut grass

I miss it all

I miss sanity

Abstract

If you try to find me

You have to go deep

Deep within yourself

Deeper outside the box

I’m not ordinary

I’m not easily found

Don’t confuse me with a puzzle

Where the pieces all seem to match

Mines are ever changing;

With the blink of an eye

They are sometimes hard to catch

 

I’m abstract art

Placed in a dull room

You either see me

And can make some sense of it all

Rigidness to smoothness

Curves to plateaus

Or you simply can’t and move on

Because your mind is closed

 

I’m  not like you

At times I’m nothing like me

I have no definition

Because I’m yet to be set free

 

If you are lucky enough to find me

Don’t sell me out

Instead hide with me

Or I will leave with all the pieces of  you

Hound Dogs

Hound dogs clawing at the walls in my mind

Trying to unleash

My hidden thoughts

Things that don’t make sense

Things that should be confined

Perversion, cruelty, deceit,

Evil doings,

Simply sick contraptions

 

The hounds never seem to let up

Their claws go deeper

Their vicious growl goes louder

The walls are weak

They crumble beneath their paws

 

Set free

To wreak havoc

In an already unstable mind

 

They hunt,

They prey

For the next spot of weakness

Until there is nothing more to devour

Until the emptiness

Swallows me

Thaw

The way he says my name

Makes me smile

Makes my emotions inflame

 

The way he shows he care

Makes me have hope

That I can be repaired

 

The way he compliments my every flaw

Makes me want to dive right into his arms

And thaw

 

Thaw, the coldness around my heart

That no one has ever attained

It requires some kind of art

Some kind of persistence

It takes his good heart

 

This is my entry for Thursday Poets Rally Week 35