Heavy


I have been trying to escape from you

For years

And still you’re a strong presence

In my life

The thought of you poisons my attitude

The mere mention of your name

Makes me want to crawl in a

Corner

And no longer exist

My life has been nothing

But a revolvement of you

Of what you did

Of what you are still capable of doing

To me

I run away

Inside of myself

To get away

From  all this torture

To try and somehow find the numbness

I use to have

The coldness I used to deal with this

Experience

Is it possible that I’ve used it all up?

Now I’m stuck here

Having to deal

With all this heaviness

That I can’t keep carrying

I don’t know how I found strength

To carry this burden for so long

Or is this where I belong now?

In order to get rid of it all

In order to walk away

With the little sanity I have left?

I really don’t know anymore

I wish I didn’t care either

 

-Tootsie

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