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  • Tootsie 6:18 pm on July 2, 2011 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , Hound dogs, insanity, Sad   

    Hound Dogs 


    Hound dogs clawing at the walls in my mind

    Trying to unleash

    My hidden thoughts

    Things that don’t make sense

    Things that should be confined

    Perversion, cruelty, deceit,

    Evil doings,

    Simply sick contraptions

     

    The hounds never seem to let up

    Their claws go deeper

    Their vicious growl goes louder

    The walls are weak

    They crumble beneath their paws

     

    Set free

    To wreak havoc

    In an already unstable mind

     

    They hunt,

    They prey

    For the next spot of weakness

    Until there is nothing more to devour

    Until the emptiness

    Swallows me

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  • Tootsie 3:32 am on November 26, 2010 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , I miss them, , , Ruined, Sad   

    Ruined 


    What did I do?

    Where did I go wrong?

    To deserve the agony of this slow burn

     

    I know I can’t be the only one

    Hurting this way

    I can’t be the only one bounded by misery

    Struggling for the freedom

    For the carelessness

    I once had as a young child

     

    Is there anyone that can comprehend,

    Such lonesome,

    Such frigidness

    Are you out there?

     

    People always say,

    “It will be okay”

    And still I am stuck

    Pleading and screaming

    No more!

     

    When will that be over?

    When will I find the warm days I long for?

    The days where I slow danced with the breeze

    The days before you ruined my normalcy

    The days before you murdered my happiness,

    My innocence

     

    Where are those naive days before I met life?

    I miss them

     

    -Tootsie

     
    • Monsta5000 10:12 pm on November 26, 2010 Permalink | Reply

      Me like you poems Tootsie!

    • Becky 11:24 pm on November 26, 2010 Permalink | Reply

      Amen to that sister. Once again, I identify with it 100%. That is exactly where I am at right now. Nicely said.

    • sarairivera 2:59 am on November 28, 2010 Permalink | Reply

      Wow. This is about the third time I read this and I am still amazed. Your words capture the hurt so well. Love your writing

    • The Writer Gal 1:33 am on November 29, 2010 Permalink | Reply

      Tootsie, you’re not alone. And, you have a gift of expression…keep using it! Write on!

      The Writer Gal

    • azfree 3:50 pm on December 2, 2010 Permalink | Reply

      I have felt this oh too often. Very well expressed!!

    • Jessica 11:40 am on December 14, 2010 Permalink | Reply

      I guess everyone feels like this at some point. But there’s much to enjoy from our experiences too. Your passion comes through well here.

      http://jessicasjapes.wordpress.com/2010/12/13/ice-cream/

    • Tootsie 12:12 pm on December 14, 2010 Permalink | Reply

      Thank you.. and you are correct. With experience comes growth 🙂

    • Jingle 8:50 pm on December 14, 2010 Permalink | Reply

      lovely wonders..
      life is imperfect,
      it is not your fault…

      well done poem.
      Thanks for sharing!
      A+

  • Tootsie 1:56 am on November 23, 2010 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , Happiness, , Sad, searching   

    Happiness 


    Searching for a smile

    Seeking an embrace

    Sifting through this love

    Or this hate

    Scrutinizing and probing

    Creating and destroying

    Only to fabricate this monstrosity;

    My life

    I have sabotaged it all

    To find the one thing

    We all hunger for

    I have hurt you

    I have left you

    I have forgotten you

    To some how hold on to

    This fleeting happiness I have

    I have yet been able to find it

    I have yet been able to hold on to it

    I have yet been able to truly say

    I am happy

    I have found happiness

    -Tootsie

     
    • raquel 2:03 am on November 23, 2010 Permalink | Reply

      :/… this one is nice trully yet kinda sad. but i still love it.

    • Tootsie 2:10 am on November 23, 2010 Permalink | Reply

      Gracias!

    • askcherlock 2:10 am on November 23, 2010 Permalink | Reply

      Very thought-provoking!

      • Tootsie 2:14 am on November 23, 2010 Permalink | Reply

        Ha! I was just thinking that! Thanks for the comment 🙂

    • fiveloaf 4:16 pm on November 23, 2010 Permalink | Reply

      nice blog . nice words!

    • Tootsie 6:37 pm on November 23, 2010 Permalink | Reply

      Thank you 🙂

    • Jay 12:40 pm on November 24, 2010 Permalink | Reply

      Hey love that banner, great poem too! 🙂

    • Angela 5:43 pm on November 25, 2010 Permalink | Reply

      This is a beautiful piece.

    • sarairivera 3:01 am on November 28, 2010 Permalink | Reply

      Love this. its so very real

    • myshiningrainbow 5:05 am on December 8, 2010 Permalink | Reply

      Well expressed. Yes, sometimes I find myself searching for that happiness, that smile and then I end up getting confused about what ‘happiness’ is! ‘Happiness’ may not be all joy and laughter. It might just be a deep sense of being true to oneself. It may bring tears or smile. But, I’ll be happy. From a personal point of view, I visualize your poem ending with this latent line ” I have found ‘I’ ” . In that manner, I like the way your poem keeps the interpretation of happiness open to the reader. Great blog! I’ll keep coming back for more 🙂

      • Tootsie 5:12 am on December 8, 2010 Permalink | Reply

        Thank you. I liked what you said, “It might just be a deep sense of being true to oneself”… I agree it might be :). I hope you do keep coming back, I appreciate it!

  • Tootsie 10:03 pm on August 26, 2010 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , , Park st., , Sad   

    Sad 


    I sit on the porch gazing at

    The drunken men sitting on the front steps

    Of the building

    At the many drug deals

    Taking place in front of us

    The young girls with their tight jeans,

    Revealing tops,

    And the occasional one with a baby bump

    The rowdy teenage boys who only seem to care

    About whose sneakers are the freshest

    All the while a woman next door

    Is screaming

    From the abuse that is being inflicted

    On her

    And no one seems to care

    But me

     

    -Tootsie

     
    • Sarai 8:13 pm on August 27, 2010 Permalink | Reply

      So deep!!

      You are truly talented and have a beautiful heart.

      I love you!!

  • Tootsie 6:18 am on July 5, 2010 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , , , Revisiting the Past, Sad   

    Revisiting the Past 


    The red paint on the wall haunts me

    I make my way up the steep steps

    Once I make it to the top

    I stand for a while and compose myself

    Slowly I walk to the rusted door

    It takes a few jerks but it opens

    The apartment is well lit

    And yet it drowns me in its darkness

    I go directly into my childhood bedroom

    Three windows are in the room

    But still it feels enclosed

    Like a torture chamber

    I sit on the floor

    And place my hands by my side

    The coldness of the room makes me shiver

    You are no longer here

    To physically taunt me

    But unfortunately mentally you have power

    While I continue to sit here

    I begin to feel like a nine year old again

    Vulnerable

    Scared

    Mad

    And damaged

    You have conveniently left

    Behind the monster here

    So easily- effortlessly

    While I am forever stuck

    With this child

    A child ruined

    Abandoned

    And left to die within herself

    Over and over again

     
    • sarairivera 9:01 pm on July 14, 2010 Permalink | Reply

      So sad. I love how you express yourself.

      How great that God not only heals but offers us so much more!

    • Raquel 9:25 pm on October 25, 2010 Permalink | Reply

      I really love this one. every word of it is true. unfortanetly there are things that have happened that even as we say we are over it and im healed we lie. we lie to others as we do to ourselves. we arent healed. we never are. once that pain is inside our hearts its there where it will forever stay. we might put on a mask , smile and say im ok. but the walls inside us are shattering. killing us slowly. making us want nothing but to end that crucial pain that has done nothing but haunt us and hurt us.

      • Tootsie 7:46 am on November 23, 2010 Permalink | Reply

        We forgive, but never forget. To forget would be foolish.

  • Tootsie 6:11 am on July 5, 2010 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , I'm sorry to say, , , Sad   

    I’m sorry to say 


    I’m sorry to say

    But I wish your father was dead

    I wish you were a bastard

    And would never mention his name

    Only if you knew

    The things he’s done

    The things he did

    And the things he will do

    Just then maybe you wouldn’t

    Turn into him

    Or look for his companionship

    I wish your father was dead

    I wish you were a bastard

    That would never mention his name

    I’m sorry to say

     
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