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  • Tootsie 3:32 am on November 26, 2010 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , I miss them, Life, , Ruined,   


    What did I do?

    Where did I go wrong?

    To deserve the agony of this slow burn

    I know I can’t be the only one

    Hurting this way

    I can’t be the only one bounded by misery

    Struggling for the freedom

    For the carelessness

    I once had as a young child

    Is there anyone that can comprehend,

    Such lonesome,

    Such frigidness

    Are you out there?

    People always say,

    “It will be okay”

    And still I am stuck

    Pleading and screaming

    No more!

    When will that be over?

    When will I find the warm days I long for?

    The days where I slow danced with the breeze

    The days before you ruined my normalcy

    The days before you murdered my happiness,

    My innocence

    Where are those naive days before I met life?


    • Monsta5000 10:12 pm on November 26, 2010 Permalink | Reply

      Me like you poems Tootsie!

    • Becky 11:24 pm on November 26, 2010 Permalink | Reply

      Amen to that sister. Once again, I identify with it 100%. That is exactly where I am at right now. Nicely said.

    • sarairivera 2:59 am on November 28, 2010 Permalink | Reply

      Wow. This is about the third time I read this and I am still amazed. Your words capture the hurt so well. Love your writing

    • The Writer Gal 1:33 am on November 29, 2010 Permalink | Reply

      Tootsie, you’re not alone. And, you have a gift of expression…keep using it! Write on!

      The Writer Gal

    • azfree 3:50 pm on December 2, 2010 Permalink | Reply

      I have felt this oh too often. Very well expressed!!

    • Jessica 11:40 am on December 14, 2010 Permalink | Reply

      I guess everyone feels like this at some point. But there’s much to enjoy from our experiences too. Your passion comes through well here.


    • Tootsie 12:12 pm on December 14, 2010 Permalink | Reply

      Thank you.. and you are correct. With experience comes growth πŸ™‚

    • Jingle 8:50 pm on December 14, 2010 Permalink | Reply

      lovely wonders..
      life is imperfect,
      it is not your fault…

      well done poem.
      Thanks for sharing!

  • Tootsie 8:09 pm on November 16, 2010 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , Heavy, Life, ,   


    I have been trying to escape from you

    For years

    And still you’re a strong presence

    In my life

    The thought of you poisons my attitude

    The mere mention of your name

    Makes me want to crawl in a


    And no longer exist

    My life has been nothing

    But a revolvement of you

    Of what you did

    Of what you are still capable of doing

    To me

    I run away

    Inside of myself

    To get away

    FromΒ  all this torture

    To try and somehow find the numbness

    I use to have

    The coldness I used to deal with this


    Is it possible that I’ve used it all up?

    Now I’m stuck here

    Having to deal

    With all this heaviness

    That I can’t keep carrying

    I don’t know how I found strength

    To carry this burden for so long

    Or is this where I belong now?

    In order to get rid of it all

    In order to walk away

    With the little sanity I have left?

    I really don’t know anymore

    I wish I didn’t care either



    • rbafroggie 5:27 am on November 25, 2010 Permalink | Reply

      I really identify with this a lot. I like your writing very much. I used to write a lot of poetry too, but some of the stuff I have is very angry and/ or explicit. I don’t know if I will ever post it or not.

      • Tootsie 5:40 am on November 25, 2010 Permalink | Reply

        Thank You:) Some of my writing is very angry as well.. haven’t posted any of those really. But I hope to read one of yours, if you ever post one πŸ™‚

    • Talon 4:59 pm on November 25, 2010 Permalink | Reply

      Tootsie, this was hard to read. As a Mom myself, I can’t imagine leaving a child behind.

      The hard thing is, how could you not care? That’s what’s so hard to come to terms with.

      Beautiful poem.

      • Tootsie 5:14 pm on November 25, 2010 Permalink | Reply

        That is the hardest to come to terms with, I agree completely!
        Thank you for the comment! πŸ™‚

  • Tootsie 9:03 pm on October 21, 2010 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , Life,   

    Just on my mind 

    Haven’t updated in a while…. so here goes–

    So many things are on my mind

    Why am I here?

    Why are you here, now, in my life?

    How did we end up here?

    Dancing and twirling in confusion

    Singing a song that is off tune

    Laughing without feeling

    Are we pretending?

    We move on and on

    With no set purpose

    Just the mass chaos that goes on

    In our minds

    In our hearts

    In our soul

    As long as we can hide this pain

    Cover all the hurt from the past

    I am completely content

    With the thought of continuing this extravagant show

    For everyone to see

    I will just have to live another day

    With this uneasy feeling

    That maybe it is not right

    But what is?

    Maybe these are just fabricated thoughts

    That come about to entertain me

    Just the things

    That crowd my mind

    To escape from the grips

    Of this overwhelming sadness



    • Rachel 11:38 pm on October 22, 2010 Permalink | Reply

      Hey!! Wow you are talented. Your poem has a sense of sadness and yet masked itself to look a different way..its complex. Yet very beautiful.

  • Tootsie 2:05 am on September 15, 2010 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , Life, Out of the soul,   

    Out of the soul 

    I feel alone

    In this cold world

    Holding on to this hurt

    That I have to bear on my own

    I spend my days

    Listening to everyone’s problems

    Helping out

    Giving advice

    Forgiving over and over

    When is it going to be my turn?

    When are you going to do that for me?

    When are you going to all realize

    I’m angry

    I’m hurt

    My soul is tired

    I fight everyday

    To prove everyone wrong

    Still, I get no satisfaction

    When I do

    I’m taken advantage of


    But no one listens

    No one listens to my screams

    My plea for an embrace

    To you all- I’m just a burden

    A nice girl turned mean

    In reality I’m dying inside

    Broken in every kind of way

    No longer caring what you think

    Left here

    In shambles


    Crying out to the only one

    Who hears me,




    • Sarai 4:44 pm on September 15, 2010 Permalink | Reply

      Very beautifully, heartbreaking as usual. I love this. So very real.

      This is why the ONLY one who deserves our complete all is God. He’s the only one who is truly faithful and stays by ourside regardless of what happens.

      I’m sorry you feel this way. I pray God will continue to always help you and that He will glorify Himself in your life in an amazing way!

      I love you lots!

    • rbafroggie 5:33 am on November 25, 2010 Permalink | Reply

      I identify with this one a great deal as well. You have no idea how much. I’m pretty angry at god at the moment, so I haven’t been turning to him, but the rest of what you said is right on the money for me.

      • Tootsie 5:43 am on November 25, 2010 Permalink | Reply

        You should pray and hand that anger to Him, He will know what to do with it πŸ™‚
        Thank you for the comments, I really appreciate it.

  • Tootsie 10:03 pm on August 26, 2010 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , Life, Park st., ,   


    I sit on the porch gazing at

    The drunken men sitting on the front steps

    Of the building

    At the many drug deals

    Taking place in front of us

    The young girls with their tight jeans,

    Revealing tops,

    And the occasional one with a baby bump

    The rowdy teenage boys who only seem to care

    About whose sneakers are the freshest

    All the while a woman next door

    Is screaming

    From the abuse that is being inflicted

    On her

    And no one seems to care

    But me



    • Sarai 8:13 pm on August 27, 2010 Permalink | Reply

      So deep!!

      You are truly talented and have a beautiful heart.

      I love you!!

  • Tootsie 8:35 pm on August 5, 2010 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , Life, , Unconditional love, Unexplainable   


    How did I get stuck in this place again-

    Desperately looking for a way out?

    I led myself here

    To then figure out

    I forgot my way back

    I run in circles

    Only to be left in a daze

    Just to end up in the same place

    Same pain

    Same darkness

    The one that wraps itself all around me

    Until I can no longer breathe

    Or function

    But you always come on time

    Your love- Your light

    Makes the darkness no longer surround me

    You never leave

    You wait for me to call out Your name

    Even if I can’t mutter the words

    You hear my heart cry out

    And there You are

    To save me

    To give me love

    To shower me in your unexplainable mercy

    Unexplainable warmth

    Unexplainable light

    This is where I’d rather be

    Lost in the unexplainable

    In all that is You



  • Tootsie 1:08 am on July 31, 2010 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: Beauty, , Life,   


    Mid afternoon

    People rushing through Park St.

    Completely oblivious to the beauty around them

    The crystal clear sky

    With a few strokes of clouds

    The leaves that are starting to sprout out

    Birds flying- swiftly moving with the breeze

    They notice none of this

    Yet the men do not fail to notice

    The young girls who are lost

    And do not know the danger of no values

    Or the women who are too preoccupied

    With their fresh curls from the salon

    To notice anything

    Consuming themselves and their time

    With superficial beauty

    When the true beauty of creation

    Surrounds their every being



  • Tootsie 5:34 pm on July 29, 2010 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: Halfway, Life, , Making it work, ,   


    I know you don’t understand me

    And probably never will

    You will never understand

    That I will always love you

    Regardless of what you’ve said

    You probably won’t ever be able to believe

    That your deeply embedded in my heart

    How can I expect you to understand

    Or believe?

    How can I expect you to love me the way

    I need to be loved

    When I don’t love you the right way?

    Maybe one day

    We will meet each other halfway

    Halfway to love



    • Bianca 7:27 pm on July 31, 2010 Permalink | Reply

      You express yourself eloquently. Can’t wait for you to post more!!!

    • sarairivera 2:19 pm on August 2, 2010 Permalink | Reply


      How do you not love the right way?

    • Tootsie 11:25 pm on August 2, 2010 Permalink | Reply

      Eh. I am a complicated human being.

  • Tootsie 4:07 am on July 15, 2010 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , Help Me, Life,   

    Help Me 


    Help me. Take away anything

    That is holding me back from you

    Help me change

    Help meΒ  get lost in You

    I’m tired of feeling empty

    So eerily vacant

    Only You can make it better

    You can heal my heart

    And rest my fears about the future

    Without You

    I’m lost

    Looking for a purpose

    When my main purpose

    Has always been to love You

  • Tootsie 8:56 pm on July 14, 2010 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , Life, Over,   


    I admit I’m not over it

    I’m not over all the torture

    I’ve been put through

    All the therapy sessions

    Awkward conversations

    My heart has yet to be healed

    With the band- aid

    You put on this 4 inch deep wound

    It has been left infected

    Left to spread

    And cause more pain

    I have to find a way

    To stitch this hole

    To finally be over it all

    Over the pain

    And over the affect of you

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